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Writer's pictureJohn Wright

Why can't I stop making excuses?

Updated: Jan 20, 2022



All too often our bad habits outweigh our ability to get stuff done. It can sometimes seem like we're in a losing battle with the person we don't want to be. More often than not, this is done by means of an excuse. To deliberately stand in the way of your own success without an excuse is seemingly impossible. Just imagine how hard that would be. How would that feel? An excuse can eliminate that feeling and leave little more than a residual sense of guilt in its wake. This is no small testament to the power of a good excuse.


Some would argue that such excuses are a feature of social psychology. Although it is often the case that we share excuses with the outside world, we believe them in the hope that others will too. The apprehension of having to explain yourself somewhere down the line is only symptomatic of the real problem. We know when we have done something wrong. We know when we stood in our own way. This feeling can be found in anyone. Children, priests, sociopaths - they all have their excuses ready long before they're asked.


There is a way around it though. The little insights that this blog is dedicated to providing may be good for a round or two with the usual justifications. Most people, having had an epiphany of some kind, can fend off the temptation to watch one more episode before going to sleep. We forget these revelations soon enough though. Our excuses, on the other hand, can be used thousands of times. This is for one key reason - we can't see ourselves making them. They are ignored as quickly as they come to us and work behind the scenes.


Here's a good exercise: think of a bad habit and write down every excuse you make in order to do it. Regardless of whether it's procrastination, addiction or dependence, all these things are justified by multiple excuses. These excuses can multiply if they go unchecked. Bringing an excuse to light robs it of its sincerity, thereby taking away its power. To assuage the feeling of guilt, which as previously mentioned is our real fear, it is necessary to create an excuse that we ourselves believe. Hence, we find it deeply confusing when they are labelled as excuses by others. To us, they are reasons. So, if your struggling to think of excuses, just list your reasons.


Undoubtedly some reasons are legitimate. These may require more than a change of mind. You may, however, begin to see a pattern emerge. Excuses tend to fall into one of four categories. Each one works in a different way but, if we understanding the method by which excuses are made, perhaps it will be possible to cut them off at the source. So, without further ado, here are the four methods by which we formulate excuses.



Self-Deprecation


Look out for those beliefs that exaggerate weaknesses and flaws. It's easy to blame a relapse on our own shortcomings and it doesn't take us too long to start expressing them to others. Needless to say, this looks pretty disingenuous from the outside. No reasonable person would brag so openly of their weaknesses at a job interview. At least, they wouldn't brag of real ones. However, it is surprisingly easy to brag of such flaws unto ourselves after we've made a mistake. Realistically, the opposite is true. Our mistakes are driven by strong desires. In turn, they make us strong enough to ignore even our own wellbeing.


Blaming


If self-deprecation exaggerates our own flaws, blaming shifts its focus to the flaws of the world around us. It's easy take the view that we live in a world of temptations that lead us astray. We may find ourselves to be corrupted, victims not of our own faults, but rather those of others. The enthusiasm with which we accept such a conclusion is usually a good indicator of its authenticity. Rarely would a significantly victimised person embrace their victimhood. People are incredibly slow to admit the power that others have over them. When they do, they do not wallow in such a feeling. Rather they formulate a plan and come back stronger. This step may not be necessary for those who use blame to make excuses though. It is more likely that they were never a victim to begin with.


Entitlement


Entitlement follows the idea that a mistakes are allowed for the individual making them. They may believe that they earned it through previous deeds or believe that such a mistake is easily forgiven. Another train of thought may be that others are no better than they are. This can produce a kind of pride in failure. They aren't hiding anything. They aren't hypocrites like the rest of us. If we could just accept each other for what we are, we'd all be fine, right? Again, the sincerity of such a claim is questionable. We are incredibly reluctant to forgive those individuals who accuse us of being just as bad as they are. Likewise, these individuals will continue to feel guilty and be unable to escape the desire to continually justify their actions. They remain apprehensive to being accused by themselves and others.


Despair


Of all the forms of excuse, this perhaps is the most detrimental to our wellbeing. Existing in opposition to entitlement and being similar to self-deprecation, despair involves a total surrender of free will. In this instance we accept that we are monsters, worse than everyone else in this world. We abandon our will to be good people and embrace our self-hatred. Soon enough, we expect someone to stop us if we do not stop ourselves. The problem here lies in the relationship between despair and hope. I have little hope of walking to the edge of the universe and casually peaking over the edge. Yet, as much as I would be intently curious about such a thing, I don't despair. I certainly don't hate myself for it. Therefore it is worth noticing that such despair can only exist while there is hope. This hope becomes stretched to so painful a degree in despair that the excuse maker believes it to be a form of penance. It is by this method that we willingly stand in the way of our own success. There is, however, still hope.


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